Finding Men you are Attracted to
One of the most common complaints I get from my clients, is they can’t seem to find any men that they are attracted to, to date. They are getting asked out by decent guys that “there is nothing wrong with”, but there’s no spark, nothing that gets them excited to go out with the guy again.
When this is the case, dating becomes more like a chore than anything else. And if you are not excited about the thought of having sex with a guy, this is a problem!!! A lot of times my ladies will stay in these unexciting relationships because he is a “good guy” but they end up breaking up with them in the long run.
If you feel like you are not finding men you are attracted to, it is because of one simple thing… the belief you have in your subconscious that, “there are no guys you are attracted to.” You may have this belief for a few different reasons, an attractive guy broke your heart, the attractive guy didn’t ask you out, or you are just choosing to believe that, so you don’t have to change your lifestyle for anyone. Whatever the reason is, the belief that, there are no guys you are attracted to, is a lie.
There are tons of attractive guys out there for you, but because of this belief, your brain actually filters them out from you seeing them!!! Every second there is 2 million bits of information coming to you, but your brain can’t have you notice all of that at once, it would overload you. So based on your values/beliefs, attitudes, programs, decisions, memories, time/space, and matter/energy, your brain filters it to 126 bits of information for you to process at one time!!!
That’s you missing out on 1,999,874 bits of information at one time that is already there!!! So it’s safe to say that if you are only seeing 126 out of 2 million, there very well are guys that you are attracted to and plenty of them!!!
So how do you change your belief and get your brain to start filtering in guys that you would like to date?
You ask yourself a question…
Why would I not want to meet and date a guy I’m attracted to?
This question will uncover the fear you have and an underlying reason you may not want to be dating someone you really like. Journal about it and see what comes up.
Help yourself feel safe with where you are at right now. Tell yourself a new story around why you would love to date someone that you are attracted to, and how that old story is no longer true.
Rewrite your beliefs
Instead of “I can’t find men I’m attracted to, to date”
Believe “There are tons of men I’m attracted to right now, that want to date me”
If it seems a little far fetched to go from “none to tons”, I would use the phrase “I’m willing to believe that, there are tons of men I’m attracted to right now, that want to date me”. You can even add in a little prayer afterwards to help with this. Ask “God/angels/universe, I’m willing to see things differently, please show me the way.” (quote from Amanda Frances)
All you are doing is getting yourself behind a belief that you want to have. This belief has to seem real for you in order for it to work. If you can’t get behind the belief, it won’t change a thing. So the phrase “I’m willing to believe”, takes some pressure off yourself and allows you to start seeing some evidence, until you can confidently say. “There are tons of men that I’m attracted to right now, that want to date me.”
Now that you have reset your beliefs, or are in the process of resetting your beliefs, your actions will greatly influence whether or not this new belief sticks.
So the best action I can give for you to start doing, is: look for things about Men you are attracted to.
Where a lot of women mess up, is they start looking for a man who is the complete package. Then they get disappointed when the perfect guy doesn’t show up right away, and they go back to their old beliefs, continuing to live in the same cycle they have been in forever.
Just like, if you are only squatting 150 pounds as your one rep max, you can’t expect to be able to squat 250 pounds the next day, you got to work up to it.
So if there are no attractive men, we start by finding bits and pieces of men we are attracted to, till we find more and more and more, and finally get to the complete package that we have been dreaming of!!!
So the Homework for you to do is: Every Guy you meet, look for something about him that you find attractive.
Next you are going to find as many attractive things about this guy that you can.
What this is going to do, is rewire your brain to filter for attractiveness. And all of the sudden you will find more and more guys that are very attractive to you!!!
Keep in mind this does take a little time for your brain to switch over, so don’t try it for one day and then give up. Make it a practice. Just like eating healthy for one day doesn’t get you to lose 20 lbs, one day of searching for a guy’s good traits, rather than his flaws, takes some time. And just like you can’t lose 20 lbs without changing your eating habits, you can’t find someone you’re attracted to without changing your beliefs and habits.
Another thing that may get in your way of finding attractive men, is the practice of finding reasons why a guy is not good enough for you. (I had a big problem doing this, and it wasn’t until I accepted that all men are amazing, that my dating life changed)
When you are looking for reasons of why a guy is not good enough, it is a reflection on how you view yourself as not good enough. It means you are pretty tough on yourself, and it’s a good time to stop and give yourself some credit in the areas where you are tearing yourself down.
So let’s give the guys a break, every single guy out there is good enough to date you. And you don’t have to date everyone. You get to choose who you feel good around, to date. This gives you power in a way that doesn’t put down the guy, and makes you responsible for your own feelings.
The flip side to this is, if every guy out there is good enough to date you, then you are good enough to date any guy you want!!! Yeah!!!:) So here’s to dating men that you want to!!!
Go look for the things you find attractive about men, and start to see the quality of men in your life go way, way up!!!
Lots of Love,