Stop Feeling Awkward around the Guy you Like
So you’ve met a guy at work or at the gym and at first there seems like there is some chemistry between you. You enjoy talking to each other and you decide that you like him. A month or so down the line, you still see him all the time, but nothing is happening, he’s not asking you out and it feels awkward around him. You don’t know why he’s not making a move. You feel like you both would be perfect for each other. And now it’s just painful. You would love to date him, but you really want is for things to go back to how they used to be, with easy flowing conversation between the two of you and for you to stop feeling so uncomfortable every time you see him.
I have dealt with this situation at least 3-4 times in my life with the average length of the crush being 2 years!!! That’s a long time to be pining over someone and have NOTHING happen!!! Luckily, because I have gone through this so many times, I finally learned from it. I learned what was going on, and learned how to fix. What I’m teaching you here will save you years of pain!!! It will help you move your dating life much quicker to the one you truly want.
Having been there myself, I do also want you to be compassionate with yourself, because if you are like me, it’s a pattern you have gotten yourself into with guys, and it’s going to take some work to get out of that pattern!!! I’m here for you to support you through this!!!
What’s really going on here? Why is it so awkward between you two?
The answer is because you have expectations of him!!!
When you have an expectation of someone that they are not ready or willing to meet right now, the energy gets wonky between the two of you. The guy can feel your expectation and it feels like pressure to him. He doesn’t know exactly what you want, cause you haven’t said anything, but he knows you want something from him. You’ve felt this too when there’s a guy that likes you and you know you’re not going out with him, you can feel his attention, you can feel his desire and it feels too much, what you really want is some space from him. The same is happening with your guy. It doesn’t matter how cool you are, if a guy feels pressure he wants to run.
The other thing is you. You are hoping someone else will give you that amazing feeling that you had when you were talking with him. You are placing the amazing feeling you got when you were around him as if he was responsible for that feeling. When in reality you are the one who created that feeling in yourself and you can recreate it anytime you want, with any guy of your choosing.
The other reason you may have an expectation of this guy is, you feel that by him acknowledging you, it means that you are worthy, amazing, worthwhile etc and if he doesn’t acknowledge you in the way you want, you are not. So, you have a need for him to acknowledge you in order for you to feel good. This will make you feel bad. No one can make you feel good but yourself. And when you have an expectation of a guy to do that for you, you give away your power to him and you let him have a hold over you.
Yikes!!! So how do you get out of this terrible feeling cycle? Cause you are going to keep seeing him.
In this situation you are in one of two places, either you have gone out with him once or twice or no date or confession has been made.
So what if you have gone out with him?
If you have gone out with him and he has not made a move to ask you out again, it means he is not interested in a relationship with you at this point. I know that is hard, but where he is at, it could be he’s not ready, it could be he doesn’t see you the way you see him, or any other reason. But ultimately he is choosing not to ask you out again and you cannot force him with your expectations and your dreams. Especially if things feel awkward between you because there has been no formal rejection or clarity of feelings. The only thing you can go off of, is it doesn’t feel good between you two.
Now you might be thinking… ‘Noooooooooooo!!!!! I wanted to date him so bad!!!!!!! We would be perfect together!!!!! You can’t tell me my feelings are wrong!!!!!!!!”
And you are right your feelings are not wrong, you could be perfect together and everyone still has their choice. Luckily, everyone changes, so the space and uncomfortableness you feel right now can change and you could end up dating him!!!!!!! Yeah!!!!! If you still want to…..
Here’s what has to happen for you to feel good around him and for there to be a possibility of you dating again.
Step 1: You have to let him go
You need to give him energetic space to come to you and to desire you. How you do that is: You let go of the vision of dating him. You break up with that thought and dream in your mind. You allow yourself to mourn that breakup. You give yourself physical and mental space from him. You stop expecting him to talk to you, smile at you give you eye contact or anything.
Step 2: You control how you feel around him
Most likely you’re not getting away from him unless you make some drastic decision like move, quit your company etc. However, he doesn’t get to control you!!! You get to choose to feel good around him regardless of what is going on between you two. When you don’t have any expectations, this becomes a lot easier. Now you are not disappointed if he doesn’t meet your expectations, because there are none, and you can be surprised by whatever he does do for you. Celebrate when anything good happens between the two of you, and then move on, don’t focus on it too much… let it go… it doesn’t mean anything.... Don’t make it mean anything!!!
Step 3: Get feeling good around him consistently
Once you have gotten back to neutral and there are no expectations of him. Now you can start over with him. This is the place where things can change for the better between the two of you. The key for you is to not start making expectations again on him. Be satisfied with what he is giving you. Maybe he is just supposed to be a friend to you. Either way you can’t force him to make a move. Going out with someone else to make him jealous will not either.
Step 4: Be open and honest with your feelings without expectation
Be honest with him every time you see him and speak with him. Let him see the real you, the good the bad and nothing to try and win him over. (It won’t work they see right through it and then they become unauthentic as well)
*What does that look like?
Ex. He comes in and asks you how you are doing,
You pause and really consider how you are feeling in the moment. If he is still waiting for your answer, you tell him what’s going on, as if you were talking to your best friend.
Ex. You’re in a conversation with him and it feels super awkward and uncomfortable
You state: “Man I feel really awkward talking with you right now” And you can even follow up with “I don’t like feeling uncomfortable” And if you really want to make a statement, set your boundaries and shift things instantly between the two of you… You leave the situation stating that, you’re not going to stay in a conversation that feels bad. This is a super brave and powerful thing to do, and is incredibly sexy, because it shows the guy that you respect yourself and he is not cooler than you, and you know it!!!
You don’t try to fix the awkwardness, that will just make it more awkward. The only way to fix it, is to give light and acknowledgement to it.
Ex. Things are going really well in the conversation between the two of you and the good feelings are back
You tell him, “It feels really great talking to you like this” and then you let it go!!! No expectation, you are just expressing your truth!!! In Fact make that a goal, that you want to express and own your truth whenever you can!!!
You may be tempted to say something like “We should go out” Refrain please!!! What’s actually more true? What’s more true for you is “I really like feeling like this” Right there is his opportunity to step up and ask you out if he wants to see you more, or he may be ok with where things are at now. Either way you get to accept his decision. And you also get to decide what you need. If he is not going to give you what you need, no matter how cool he is, someone else even better for you will.
Let him go and open yourself up to new and different guys who will make the effort to be with you!!! For every guy you like, there are 20 other ones that are even better for you, you just need to be open to seeing them.
If you haven’t gone out on a date with him or confessed to him there is one small difference that you can do.
The steps are the same as if you have dated him, they will be a little easier to do, but you still have to go through the same process.
The only difference that you can make is you can state that you would like to go out with him, when you are at Step 4 of expressing your truth. Be warned that just because he accepts your invitation does not mean he is ready to date you. The only way to know for sure that he’s ready and wants to date you is to allow for him to ask you out. You may have a wonderful date with him and feel super good during the date. And if he doesn’t ask you out again you know he’s not in the same place you are.
It’s ok!!! You are doing your best!!! You are not wrong for liking him. He is in your life for a reason, even if it is not to date you. Be grateful for him being in your life. Know that you still deserve the relationship that you want. Know that you get to have the relationship you want!!!! Know that you will have the relationship you want!!! Know that anything can happen and the universe is conspiring on your behalf!!!
It’s coming to you!!! Continue to work on feeling as good as possible in every situation you are in. You feeling good is a muscle that you get to train, and these men who come into your life who you feel awkward and bad around are just trainers to help you make a conscious choice to feel the way you want!!!
Keep the faith alive Lady!!!
Lots of Love,
Check out this video to get the powerful lessons I give about this topic in person!!!!