When should you text or call him?

You’ve met a guy and you have his number, you think he is cool and would like to hear from him or see him again.  The question you may be asking yourself is, “Should I call him or text him?”

I love this question because it means you are into the guy and you want something to happen!!!  It’s a fun place to be in when you are excited about someone, so take a chance to celebrate the fact you found someone that you would like to hear from or see again.

Now the better question is:  What do you want right now with this guy?  Not, do you want to date or marry him? A lot of times we women are so good a future planning that we see someone we are attracted to and we can already see this amazing future ahead of us with this man.  And we start trying to get our fantastic future vs, what do we really want in the moment with the guy.

So what do you want right now?  Do you want to see him for lunch?  Do you want an epic hike date with him?  Do you just want to see how he is around your friends or going to one of your favorite spots?  

Do you just want to hear from him and have him validate that he likes you too?

Do you just want to be in conversation with a man right now?

Be honest with yourself, there is nothing wrong with how you answer the questions, and it will determine whether you should text or call him or if there is something more productive for you that will fill your needs other than this guy.

When you are asking the question “Should I call him?”  there is a level of fear inside you, otherwise you wouldn’t think twice about a text or call.  It could be…

I may not get to see that cool guy again and may not meet another guy who is as cool as him

If he is not calling/texting me, that means there is something wrong with me

If he’s not calling/texting me, I will be alone, and will not get the relationship I want

These fears come from limiting beliefs that you have from your dating experience or even from earlier on in life with your dad.  Any limiting belief you have will cause things that you don’t want to show up in your dating experience show up. And It’s my job as your coach to help your work through these beliefs disprove them so that you do have the relationship that you want.

The fear “ I may not meet someone as cool as him”  this is the fear of scarcity, that there are not enough good men out there.  This has been embedded in you as there is only a finite amount of men available for you, and if you mess up on one you will be without.  This is not true there are billions of men on this planet and millions of men that could be a great fit for you. Just because one guy doesn’t workout, doesn’t mean there aren’t twenty more available right away to fill his spot. The thing is, can you believe that twenty more men just as amazing as him exist right here and right now?  It’s just as true to believe that only one guy exists for you as it is true to believe that 20 men right now are a fit for you. You get to choose, and when you think about it in a way where there are many men waiting to date you, not getting a call or text from one is not that big of a deal.

Homework: to overcome the fear of scarcity and changing the belief that you won’t find someone as cool as him

Start looking for amazing men, pick a characteristic that you want in your man, and find as many guys who have that characteristic, example over 6 foot with brown hair.  (Hint: this is fun and easy to do on meetopolis.com or out anywhere)  Focus on the fact that there are many different guys who have the characteristic you want and celebrate that there are lots of guys out there for you.  When you tell yourself you will not find someone like him again, it actually closes off your vision and you can’t see any of the other amazing men out there.  It’s like looking for purple cars, at first it may be hard to find them, but after searching you tend to find tons of purple cars. Don’t tell yourself there are only black cars, because that is what you will find even though it is not ultimately true!!!  

The Fear: “If he is not texting or calling me, that means there is something wrong with me”  This is the fear of I’m not good enough.  And this is a core fear that every single person has to overcome in one area of their life or another.  If you are feeling it around men, this is just your area to work on.

There is nothing wrong with you.  You are perfect as you are right now, and hearing from a guy or not, does not change that fact.  No one can tell you you are good enough but yourself. Yes it’s nice when other people validate our feelings, but everyone in the world could tell you you are amazing and if you don’t believe it, you will still feel like you are not good enough.

Homework: to change the belief that I am not good enough if he doesn’t call.

You are going to go through a lot of repetition of telling yourself how amazing you are.  Every time you see a mirror, you look in the mirror and compliment yourself, outloud or in your head.  I don’t care what the compliment is about, just do it.

Any time someone gives you a compliment, you accept the compliment and don’t downplay yourself!!!  I like the answer “Thank you, its true!!!” ha ha ha (I’ve actually never said it but the thought of saying it makes me feel amazing about myself)  The biggest thing is don’t look for a compliment to give back to them, just accept being told you are amazing!!!

And lastly anytime you get worried about a guy not calling you or texting you and you have the swarm of thoughts going through your head of what’s wrong with you… Stop yourself from thinking… Take a deep breath… look yourself in the mirror and give yourself three compliments.  Do this every time you catch yourself worrying about whether or not he is calling or texting you.

The Fear “If he is not calling or texting me, that means I will be alone and not get the relationship I want”  This is the fear of My desires will not be met, I’m not important enough, I’m not worthy etc.  Very similar to the feeling of I’m not good enough. The difference is, it’s about getting what you want, and trusting that you have the power to get what you want and trust in God and the Universe that you will get to have what you want.

Because you desire to have/be in a relationship, that means it is something that can happen for you.  If it couldn’t happen for you, you would not be able to imagine it. You can have anything that you can imagine.  That means somewhere in this universe that reality is created for you. And if it is already created that means it can be yours at any time.  The reason it is not yours, is your energy and vibration are not matching with the desire that you have. In short you don’t believe you really can have what you want.

So how do you change your vibration and energy to match what you want in relationship?

You start feeling what it would be like to have what you want.  If it’s hard for you to feel it, this is where a coach is really helpful for you, they can take your through the process of feeling the way that you want to feel and start to shift your energy and vibration.  When that energy and vibration shifts the things you want, just start to appear, the man you like texts you, you meet another guy you think is amazing. You don’t know exactly what will show up, but it will start to be a lot closer to your dream than you were before!!!

Homework: I get to have the relationship I want.  

Take 5-10 min a day get yourself somewhere quiet with no distractions.  Set your timer and imagine one thing that you would really like in your love life, see it happening, feel what it would feel like to have it come to pass, Say to yourself, this is happening, this is working, I am getting my dream relationship/love life, stay in the energy and feeling as long as you can.  When you come out of it, try to keep yourself at that level of feeling as long as possible throughout your day. You will end of up losing a bit of it as you get busy, but that’s ok it’s about the consistency of you shifting back into the feelings of what you want that matters. The more you shift the quicker you get your results.  It’s like working out, the more consistent you are in your workouts the faster you reach your fitness goals!!!

Ok so now that we’ve deal with the fears behind the question, “should I call or text him?”  Here’s how to determine whether or not to call or text him…

If you call or text him, will you care if he calls or texts you back?

It’s not about the action of calling or texting him, it’s about your energy, your vibration and your confidence.  If you are feeling confident and attractive and amazing, any guy is going to be so happy that you called him!!! And conversely if you are anxious and doubting yourself, the guy will feel that too and not be as interested in you.  (The funny thing about it, guys can feel you whether or not you call or text them. Scary I know!!! Once you have made connection with a guy, there is an energetic link between you two and when he thinks about you, he will be able to feel your energy and that will be either attractive to him or not.  You can’t hide from men, you can’t pretend to be something you are not, they will know, whether they know it consciously or subconsciously they know it. And think about it so do you.)

The calling or texting will not be the determination of whether the guy is with you or not.  Your energy, your confidence and the alignment between the two of you is what really matters

If you can forget about calling him, just like if you were calling your best friend, then it is ok for you to call him or text him.

If immediately after you call or text him, you start to wonder when he will respond or get anxious about it, wondering if you did the right thing or not, or if you should have said something different, then No, it’s not a good idea to call or text him.  Where your work is, is being ok with yourself exactly as you are now. The better you are with yourself the more attractive you are and the less you even notice these situations.

And if you did text and call him, and got anxious right after it’s ok!!!  Own what you did!!! You did the best thing for yourself at the time!!! (Hint: this will help raise your energy and vibration right then!!!;))

You don’t make wrong decisions, nothing you said or did was wrong!!!  Own it girl friend!!!:) And let go of what happens. Put the focus back on yourself!!!

You are the most amazing person on this planet!!!  You have so much to offer it isn’t even funny!!! No one can compare to you, you are one of a kind, a rare gem that no one will ever find again.  You are perfect!!! You are incredible!!! You are the best thing since sliced bread and avocado toast!!! You are gorgeous!!!! You are fantastic!!!  You are important and worthy of everything you desire!!! You get to have exactly what you desire!!! It’s coming to you!!! It is yours!!!

No one’s opinion matters more than yours and you get to choose your opinion!!!:)

If he calls/texts, great!!!  If not, you are still worth just as much.  Your worth does not change based on a guy. You getting the relationship you want is not determined by a guy.  You get to choose and you get to have it!!! If this guy doesn’t, there are twenty more right now ready to take his place.  You get to have the best life possible, if this guy didn’t work out, it means there is someone better for you waiting to be with you.  The universe is working in your behalf!!! God if on your side, he will not abandon you. You have the power to create whatever you want in your life.  If you can imagine it, there is a way for it to happen for you!!! Keep the faith, trust in yourself, trust that things are working for you. And they will shift quicker than you know!!!

Lots of Love,

Liz

For ways to work with Liz, go to Lizglorioso.com and click on Work with Liz on the upper right